The Blame Game - Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse’s ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil recently spoke out on Good Morning Britain about the blame he feels he received for her sad death.

Speaking to Susanna Reed, he said: “I made some huge mistakes, I was a drug addict, I had no idea how to make myself clean, let alone someone else.”

It felt like rather an uncomfortable interview, which was met with some backlash as it took place on what would have been the late singer’s 40th birthday, but it did get us thinking about what blame really means when we’re talking about addiction.

Whose fault is it that someone is an addict? Who can we blame? The dealers? (Well, they do have a part to play).  Or the people around the person? Society? Because blaming someone, being angry at someone or something feels like good vent for our own pain towards the situation, but it isn’t the solution. We need to look within, and we may benefit from finding our own healing.

Back in the late 2000’s Blake and Amy’s relationship was well publicised and many of us saw the intrusive photographs of their ups and downs.

At the time, the general feeling was sadness for the talented but spiralling downhill singer, but anger towards her partner.

Most people could also see that both were struggling with addiction. Their marriage didn’t last long before they went their separate ways.

Sometimes two people in a relationship can have multiple addictions, including co-dependency and being addicted to each other.

Amy Winehouse’s struggles were obvious, but she was also famous and talented whereas her then-husband’s public persona was ‘addict’.

Let’s get back to talking about blame and bring it back to what we do know about addiction recovery. A person can only get well if they want to. A person can only want to get well when they are ready. No one ‘makes’ an addicted person consume their substance of choice. That person has an illness which needs to be treated – when they are ready.  

It can be frustrating as a family member or carer to see someone struggling – them doing hurtful, terrible, and degrading things – when we can see a solution for them. We can beg, plead, ask, manipulate etc but ultimately it is all down to the individual to want help and to find their own solution.

Our Family and Carer’s Group helps people with loved ones who are struggling with addiction to find their own healing. We learn boundaries and gain tools to look after ourselves amidst our loved one’s addiction. This is empowering. Blame starts to fade, and acceptance creeps in. We learn to let go and love that person in the appropriate way.

When the Coroner’s report was released, it revealed Amy Winehouse died from alcohol toxicity and had reportedly been clean from street drugs at the time. Amy’s brother publicly said he believes she wouldn’t have died if her body wasn’t so weak from bulimia. We know that it isn’t uncommon for someone to struggle with multiple addictions, or cross-addict to other substances or behaviours.

Our main therapy group at The Living Room is a place for people living with addiction to look at all addictions and everything that is going on. It allows us to examine root causes and learn new tools and healthy coping mechanisms which equip us with the ability to live a good life in recovery.

We want you to know we are here if you need us. Do you help in coping with a loved one’s addiction? Our free Family and Carer’s Group could help you.

And if you find any of this strikes a chord with you and you’re looking to start your recovery journey, we offer free, time-unlimited group therapy to anyone struggling with addiction in Hertfordshire. To find out more about what we do, or to book an assessment with one of our Counsellors - who all have lived experience of addiction and recovery – please do get in touch. We are here to help.